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We got through the inspection step and are now in a binding contract with no further negotiations needed.

I could cry. Seriously, I am so happy that we are moving forward. Looks like we'll be staying here for the foreseeable future.

Are you ready?
Elsa happy at the end
tuzemi: (Default)
Dear Michigan,

Sometime you have such gorgeous weather. Could you please someday bring on the beautiful sun and skies say on Friday night instead of Sunday night? That would make lovely even better, thank you!
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I've called it "Kroger's" my entire life even though it's really Kroger without the s. Maybe for the same reason my mom sometimes pronounces "wash" as "warsh" or when I'm stressed I say "cain't" instead of "can't". My third grade teacher was from New York and was the first person in my life to correct me about using the word "ain't". But anyway, last night after sunset we went to the local Kroger and walked the whole store, picking up bread for me and wine and noodles for her. It was the first time we've done so since moving to Michigan. We used to do it a lot more in Texas when I was in school. The Kroger there was adjacent to a Half Price Books, and we would hit "Ooks" as we called it (the 'B' in the sign was broken for a couple weeks once) and then Kroger and walk the teeny distance back to our duplex. It was our little ritual to get out and chat, and it was really nice.

Speaking of Michigan, one of the engineers I used to work with will be here this week to interview with my company, even my same unit. I'm really excited and hopes he does well enough to get an offer, it would be nice to have someone else I know up here. Before I left Texas I had pushed him to apply, and within the company I spoke well of him when they asked. This is my first time to really go for broke on a recommendation, but I feel that with how they work here he could get up and running with the pack as well or better than most others they could ask for. If he gets it, that would bring us up to three people who used to work at the old site who now work here.

And still speaking of Michigan, my new license just came in. That leaves us just one driver's license and one car title registration away from being formally severed from Texas. I spent nearly all of yesterday afternoon organizing our books -- we have six bookcases and they were quite full of stuff from the last seven years of collecting. I got one large pile ready for donation to the local library, but it was a weird mental/emotional process to go through sorting some of the things leftover from my childhood. Like three picture albums including my old baby pictures, and my first full-size bible. These things make me sad/angry/guilty now. I put the bible in a pile of things to be destroyed/shredded along with some confidential training stuff from my old company (I'm not required to honor their confidentiality, but it's the ethical thing to do so I stick with it).

I don't yet fully understand why pictures of my own childhood make me sad. In most of them I'm smiling and seem bubbly, at least up until I started elementary school. When I lived it, it didn't feel too bad, but I think I was basically depressed by age six and never really got out of that until age 25. I used to feel so keenly out-of-place and like an outsider looking in, yet also trapped. There was this one relative who liked to grab onto an arm or leg and not let go; I think everyone in my family thought it was a game but it freaking terrified me and I would get a full fight-or-flight response. I'm now thinking that that response might not have been typical for most kids at age 5-ish. I also see other details in the pictures: our crappy brown almost-shag carpet, old toys that you would see in antique store today, the clothes of the late 70's and early 80's. We were in all honesty a family others would label poor white trash. It's one thing to kind of joke about it in high school without fully feeling the punch, but now being older I do feel it.

I wonder sometimes if this is just a regular part of growing up or if it is instead like a de-conversion story similar to those who not only left the city of their birth behind, they also left behind their family, childhood friends, and entire psychological landscape? I remember in junior high wondering how one would calculate things like trajectory, and I scoured the library and didn't have a clue where to even start looking for that answer; I don't think anyone in my family or friends could have even named the discipline that had the answers. Now 22 years later I have at least six different books with that answer. If I was meant to be someone who really likes science, why did I have to grow up with so many people who basically hate math and science? Yet within my family they tried: we went to a few school events promoting science, they supported me in a "gifted" program that had regular trips to the library. When the real moment came to let me run off to college at age 16, they worked hard to get me there.

But I still look at those pictures and they make me sad more than anything else. I'm hanging onto them for a little longer so that my wife can see them if she wants, but I think in a few months they're going to go away for good.

Exhausted

Jun. 24th, 2011 11:02 am
tuzemi: (Default)
Whew! I used to have this annoying habit of not posting for weeks and then starting one with "whew!". I won't do this often, but this week earned it.

This morning I formally checked out of the hotel after I believe 39 days of hotel life. They were a fantastic bunch (Marriott BTW) and had nice breakfasts, though the great-tasting sausage did eventually get old. Home is now a two-bedroom townhome (has 2-car garage) and is much closer to work which is nice. It's also brand new which is really nice, and my Internet flies (Charter). But with no bed and Michigan's limited hours of darkness, I haven't slept all that well in the last couple days. It was also a long slog -- probably half a dozen trips -- getting everything out of the hotel. In six hours when I leave work I'm going to buzz the grocery store, go home, and not leave until Sunday. I am so needing some introvert time and also start sitting again.

So let's talk about work (warning: REALLY long textwall)... )

OK wow that was a lot more than I initially thought to say, but it's good to get it out I think.

Lunch is calling and I'm starving (starting diet afterall), so I'll close this up here. Later tonight will be Five Gratitudes and maybe a Friday Five.
tuzemi: (Default)
I had forgotten what a healthy corporate culture looked and felt like. My first day was a whirlwind of new people and ideas and a few brilliant "why didn't we have that?" moments. Like bicycles! The new place has lots of them, and it makes sense why they need them where the old place didn't. But now I'll be using the stationary bike at the gym a lot more to practice for when I really need it at work.

It's definitely different, a lot like a startup mentality that never really went away even as the place got physically huge. There are lots of young people with huge responsibilities, but there's also a strong development/training atmosphere that's more than just "ask so-and-so to tell you what you need". I do feel a little bit sad that some of the solutions I had developed for the old job will be useless here, but a lot happier to be focusing on brand-new problems than the same old shit.
tuzemi: (Default)
The cat died six months after my last post ("Silenced..."). Not "the" cat, actually one of two cats, but really "the" cat because we had her before we ever got married, and we chose our duplex for her, and even our house partly for her. She hated most people, but dearly loved us and her routine of napping on the bed and chasing grasshoppers in the yard when the weather was nice (which wasn't nearly as often as we had hoped because it was so damn hot). After she died we gave the other one to another home that would be less depressing for her since she was still very young and was so needing/loving to other people.

With the heart forcibly cut out of our cat-family, I finally dusted off the resume and put myself "out there" in search of a new job and a new life. It took some time to get the pipeline of applications rolling, but after a couple months a recruiter called for a company I had never heard of and two months later we're now in a hotel looking for a new home a thousand miles away from the old one.

Along the way I learned that I am an INFJ -- the rarest temperament of all -- and was meant to be a teacher or counselor or priest or poet rather than an engineer. Go figure. But it explains my personal history and my career and gives me a very powerful tool in controlling my future. My life is filled with W's: "word magic", "wanderlust", "writing", "walking", and "wife".

I'm not going back. Ever. No more Red States, no more Slave States, no more holding myself inside a box while trying to help fucking ingrates. We've got enough to do up here trying to save the world.

Tonight we sleep, and tomorrow morning I (we?) hit the hotel gym in a new beginning to things.

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